5 polite ways to tell your guests to leave the kids at home
I am for sureeee a kids person. Love babies, love toddlers, love little flower girls with lots of sass, they’re great. Love my guy, but if I'm attending a wedding, mama would rather her Shirley Temples be dirty, and a child attached to my leg, rubbing his eyes and getting overtired by the minute can ensure that sure as hell won’t happen.
For a lot of soon-to-be-married couples having kids at the wedding is a total nonstarter (maybe something they had a discussion about even before starting all the wedding planning)–and I don’t blame them. We had a few minis at our wedding, years ago, and they were the epitome of well-behaved. One of the little girls even came over to me with her daddy during cocktail hour and said that she, and I quote, “wanted to talk to the princess.” Dying. Literal heart explosion. But if the circumstances weren’t as chill as they were, we could have quickly regretted writing ‘family’ on our invites.
Not to mention, it’s a party, there will be tons of people, drinking, and dancing, so unless you’re fortunate enough to have on-site babysitters (which actually exist btw) at your disposal, sometimes it just makes sense to tell your friends and fam to leave the kids at home.
We get it, it’s an uncomfortable situation to have to tell your guests they can’t bring their bottle-toting babies, potty-training toddlers, or super-cute-but-kind-of-annoying kids to the wedding. But if you want to avoid any confusion or stress-induced calls with regrets because childcare is a no-go, then we’d say you should tackle the awkwardness ASAP. If you’re feeling unsure about how to communicate your wishes, then talk with your stationer. He or she will have soooo many pieces of advice, and can likely talk you through all the tactful ways to word things, so you won’t end up feeling like an asshole.
you may also like
This Dreamy Garden Wedding had a Bounce House for the Kids
Stress-Free Wedding with Kids: Tips for Parents in Bridal Party
An Adults-Only Wedding Really Isn’t Impossible, Here’s What to Do
1. be specific with how you address your invites.
If you don’t want the under-18 set crashing your big day, then don’t invite them (literally). If you’re sending invites to friends or family who you know have kids, then address the invite to the adults only (i.e. Mr. & Mrs. Steven Smith). As soon as you say ‘The Smith Family,’ you’re opening up the floodgates, for Smith Thing 1, Smith Thing 2, and Smith Thing 3. Your guests are smart, capable people, they should get the picture, if you’re pointedly leaving their children out of the correspondence.
2. call it out somewhere on the card.
To reiterate your point all the more, ask your wedding invitation designer what you can do to say that it’s an ‘adults-only’ affair. Maybe you’re okay with kiddos coming to the ceremony, but would prefer they go home for the reception, or vice versa (there’s nothing magical about babies crying in the church just as the bride is walking down the aisle). It helps to have things written in bold font, but don’t make it so distracting that it takes away from your actual invite.
3. follow it up with a clever response card.
The response cards are one of the most creative places to show your spirit as a couple and make anything that your guests should really take under advisement clear. You can go a little cheeky and say something like, “We love your kids, but thought you could use the night off! Adults-only, please, and thank you!” Or use the opportunity to gauge where your guests’ heads are at. So, think about nixing the M___________ will attend and replace with ‘We have reserved _____ seats for you.’ This way, if you were hoping they’d write 2, and instead they write 3 or 4, you’ll know they didn’t quite get the memo and assumed all of their crew was 👍 for your ‘I Dos.’ If so, you’ll need to chat with them more formally to make sure you’re all on the same page.
4. make sure it’s stated plainly on your wedding website.
If you have a wedding website, go ahead and put a note up there about your child-free consideration. It’s your wedding, and you can certainly celebrate however you wish. But for anyone who may have questions or wonder why their kids were seemingly banned from your bash, you can use your website to illuminate things. Yes, you’ll have nieces or nephews in the bridal party, but they’ll be going to bed well before the party starts picking up.
Perhaps your venue just can’t accommodate the sheer number of girls and boys who’d need to be in attendance, maybe you just think it’s uncomfortable to rage when there are rugrats running around, or you just can’t imagine their parents being able to have any fun if they’re tending to the little ones all night. There also might be a lovely amount of candles burning around the event, that could easily get knocked over by tiny hands. Whatever the case is, you can share a little explanation here. You can also go out of your way to suggest childcare options (some venues have kids' clubs or babysitting resources), just to show your squad that you’re not trying to leave them high or dry.
5. in case of emergency, pick up the phone
Sometimes it just takes an open and honest conversation with your friends to help them understand where you’re coming from. It definitely helps if you can help them strategize childcare if that’s truly what’s holding them back from being able to say, ‘YES.’ And when all else fails, just use your support system, mother of the bride, mother of the groom, bridesmaids, aunts, cousins, etc. to run your request up the flagpole. Just prep them with a boilerplate response to ensure they’re not going rogue or making promises they can’t keep, like ‘Kim and Jack are adamant about having an adults-only wedding, they just want everyone to relax and have fun without worry! It’s nothing personal!” My mom was notorious for thinking everyone could come to my wedding! Bless her heart, she meant well 😂.
You can do this! And if anyone has a problem with it, remember it’s not their wedding…just let it roll.
- Wedding Photographers: Kailee DiMeglio Photography