If You Think Things Change Just Because You’re Married, You’re Wrong
Getting married is one of the biggest events you'll experience in your life. It's not just a big lavish and expensive party celebrating you. It's two people who love each other above all others, and join their lives committing to love each other for ever. It's romantic and beautiful and amazing. After all, your relationship is perfect and that's why you're getting married.
Pump the breaks for a sec, k? That's not reality. Reality is that we are all imperfect, set in our ways, stubborn at some level, think we know best, and are human. Regular old humans. Don't worry, I'm going to tell you how you can handle some (not all) of these issues.
Getting married is a huge responsibility. You already know your partner's behaviors and habits and if you say you don't/didn't know, you're just deflecting your own responsibility. Don't DO that! You are responsible for your own well-being and happiness.
Domestic Duties
If your partner doesn't actively partake in domestic duties before you tie the knot, he/she will not help you with domestic duties after the wedding. Trust me when I tell you, this does not change just becuase you say your vows. It may change over time, but don't expect some kind of miraculous change right away.
Photographers: Kristopher Roller via Unsplash
Drinking
If you partner has a problem with alcohol before you get married, he/she will have a problem with alcohol after you get married. No matter what he/she says. Be prepared and understand that this is more often than not the case.
Photographers: Adam Jaime via Unsplash
Morning People
If your partner is not a morning person, please don't expect them to become one the day after you sign your marriage license. Just becuase you want to get up at sun break and make coffee and sing in the kitchen does not mean s/he's going to be all in for that just because you signed on the dotted line.
Photographers: Sanah Suvarna via Unsplash
Money Honey
If you like to spend and your S/O likes to save, you can bet your bottom dollar that this is going to be the same once you've entered into nuptial bliss. Maybe the opposite is true. Either way, DISCUSS your spending habits well before you even get engaged, although we both know that you already know these habits even if you want to deny it.
Photographers: Vitaly
Consideration
I'm sure you're catching on to the pattern here, but if your partner isn't thoughtful or considerate in the first place this will not change after you get hitched. Communicate your wants and needs with your partner. It's literally the only way to help your cause.
Photographers: Toa Heftiba via Unsplash
What can you do?
We all have a limit to what we can handle and many of these things may be negotiable, though some may be deal breakers for you. If there's a behavior that's a deal breaker, but you really really love your partner, you just need to do one thing. COMMUNICATE. Talk to your partner and clearly express your concerns. It's not easy, but if you start communicating effectively it will become easier and easier and eventually it will become normal.
We've all heard couples say "Oh, I didn't know he/she was like that before I married them." I call BS. Yes, you did. You're just too embarrassed to admit it. It's ok, we've all been there.
People are who they are and they rarely change unless there is a trauma or a life altering event. So, if you don't love your partner EXACTLY as they are - please don't marry them.
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Photographers: Raw Pixel via Unsplash