How to Handle Being Snubbed by Your Sibling for the MOH Role
There are certain ‘no brainers’ in life that we hardly bother to pay attention to… until we’re feeling flat out frustrated (to put it mildly). One of those is the notion of family/sibling parity when it comes to picking members of the wedding party. When an older sibling gets married, if he or she chooses a younger sibling for his/her best man or maid of honor, the younger one will (more than likely) return the favor when it’s his/her turn to tie the knot. Whether it’s a convention that we’ve just learned and gotten used to over the years, or whether it’s just an innate, gut reaction to growing up with a brother or sister, we just assume the protocol is commonplace and don’t question it. Even when I was getting married, I can remember saying to my little sister (jokingly, of course) that she’d be my MOH… by default.
Seems like Prince William felt the same way with his own wedding, having Prince Harry stand in as his second in command. But now, with his little bro’s wedding less than a year away, it looks like Wills might be feeling a little miffed that Harry hasn’t asked him to be his Best Man - formally, that is. According to several sources, Prince William was meeting with members of the Campaign Against Living Miserably charity this week, when he revealed to radio host, Roman Kemp, that Harry hasn’t popped the question yet. He continued by saying “He hasn’t asked me yet, just to clear that up. It could be a sensitive subject.”
Of course, he said everything in jest, but one might wonder if there really is some bitterness or hurt feelings going on behind closed doors. After all, his red-headed kid brother was his own Best Man, why the hell wouldn’t he do the same?
I’m not saying that the older sibling always knows the ‘right’ thing to do, buttttt I think we (yes, saying this collectively) are much more likely to follow tradition and not rock the boat. Our younger siblings are a bit more rogue and unpredictable. And to say I wouldn’t have been upset if my sister didn’t ask me to be her HBIC would def be a total lie. I would have been ridiculously pissed.
Anyway, for all the older siblings who are still waiting out their little brother or sister’s decisions - and granted, Prince Harry probably has every intention of asking Will, but either hasn’t thought about it yet or wants to make him sweat a little - we’ve put together a few tips for how to hang when you’re feeling burned.
Don't let them see you sweat
Prince William is doing a great job of shaking off any WTF feelings he might be having over Prince Harry’s delay. And it’s the best way to go, to be honest. Your younger sibling likely has nooo ill will towards you, but it just too caught up in the ‘I’m engaged, it’s my wedding, it’s all about me, me, me (and rightfully so)’ stage. So, just do you best to bide your time and let the chips fall where they may. You don’t want to look like the sibling scorned.
Don't Throw your wedding in their face
Yes, if you had your little brother or sister fill the Best Man/MOH role for your wedding, of course you’ll expect them to follow suit. But it’s not your place to rub the past in their faces. They’re old and mature enough to understand what they should do (if you’re close, that is), so they don’t need to be reminded that you asked them way back when, they’re well aware you gave them a cherished part in your special day.
resume business as usual
While you wait for your sibling to ‘come to his or her senses,’ just carry on living as usual. Don’t skip a beat, show up when you need to, even go out of your way to show that you’re obvi their ride or die. Maybe they’re just waiting for you to naturally step into the role, without all of the pomp and circumstance and ritual associated with them having to ask you. If they see you’re rising to the occasion, showing support for them from the minute they got engaged, they’ll be more inclined to make it official sooner than later.
Understand that it's not your day
To echo an earlier sentiment, I’d advise not slipping into a scorned sibling situation. Understand that this is your baby brother or sister’s big day, not yours. You might have expectations going into it, that you’ll of course be chosen as the wedding party VIP, but they have no obligation to you. Sure, it’s nice to have that sibling camaraderie and bestie-hood, but just because you grew up together and share the last name doesn’t mean you HAVE to have their vote. It’s 2018, brides and grooms can do what they want for their wedding day. If they’d prefer a best friend, cousin, mentor, etc. to fill those shoes, then you kind of have to let them.
talk it out
Seriously, these circumstances don’t need to set off family problems for the foreseeable future. If you’re really feeling bummed about not getting the nod from your younger sis or bro, then talk about it. Have an open and honest conversation and let them know how it’s affecting you. Or, do like Prince William and passive aggressively tease - in public - that time’s still ticking away without a formal proposal. If he or she catches the drift, you’ll probably be tasked with your Best Man/MOH toast in no time.