Everything You Needed to Know About Picking Your Bridal Party
Ever thought about making your bridesmaids pay to be a part of your wedding day? Well… one particularly zilla-ish bride just went viral for auctioning off bridesmaid roles to not only her highest-bidding BFFLs, but affluent acquaintances (former friends who she’s more-than lost touch with over the years) too. As funny as it sounds to have your girls pony up and throw down for a chance to stand next to you as you tie the knot, it kind of takes the cake for rudeness - and struck us (and the rest of humanity) as a total wedding DON’T.
So, what are the DOs and DON’Ts to avoid a Reddit rampage and forever saltiness from your favorite females? We’ve come up with a bunch - check them out!
DO Make sure you’re asking that all-important question
Do make sure you’re asking that all-important question to your ride or dies. Unlike this bride who obvi only saw one requisite to being part of her posse: fat stacks of cash, you really should be extending the honor to the girls (or guys) who are closest to your heart. Whether you’ve known each other since you drooled in diapers, grew up in the same crazy family (hello fam inside jokes), rode shotgun in each other’s cars in high school, witnessed your hot-mess chapters in college or make it through each day at work together (#workwifeforlife), you should have a bond that’s nearly as strong as your [future] wedding bands. Years from now, you’ll still be looking at wedding pics, so they should feature the people you couldn’t imagine life without.
DO pop the question in a special way.
Do pop the question in a special way. This bride invited all of her bridesmaid candidates to a bidding battle royale of sorts, but you don’t have to host a huge hangout. If you’re so inclined, you can throw together a bubbly brunch for your squad and hand out #bridetribe badges like they’re roses on the Bachelorette. OR, you can take a more personalized approach and ask your VIPs on their own terms while out to dinner, shopping, or binging on DVR’ed reality TV. Either way you do it, you’ll just want to make each lucky lady/guy friend feel like they mean the most to you and you really want them present on your perfect day.
DO realize that money can make or break things
DO realize that money can make or break things and try to manage expectations. Being a bridesmaid isn’t cheap. By any means. So, even if you’re not asking your entourage to shell out money to save their spot at the altar, understand that the financial commitment might be tough for some. Whether you offer to help pay for a dress or gift your girl with her glam squad hair and makeup, or you accept and support one of your besties if she needs to bow out when money is tight, do so graciously and without grudges. After all, this is an important day and an important milestone in your relationship.
DON’T let your crew get too competitive.
Don't let your crew get too competitive. Let’s be honest, this bride-to-be made her quest for bridesmaids a bidding war, pitting her friends against each other in a charade to justify who “deserved” the bridal party spots most. In reality, having your nearest and dearest essentially fight over you is something you should never do. It’s very possible that not everyone in your squad knows or even likes each other (bridesmaids with mutual ex boyfriends, anyone?), so forcing them to duke it out in hopes to win your love and approval is wrong in so many ways. Later down the line, when you’re strategizing the bridal party processional order, you’ll inevitably hurt some feelings, so it’s best not to kick things off with an arguable pissing contest. Hashtag community over competition, right?
DON’T presume that your party is there to help finance your wedding.
DON’T presume that your party is there to help finance your wedding. The bridezilla in question justified her motives by saying that the bridesmaids’ money would be going towards her wedding and honeymoon… but that’s not their responsibility, is it? Especially going back to our earlier point about bridesmaid-ship not being cheap, there are so many pre-wedding events that the bridesmaids [usually] chip in for: an engagement party, the bridal shower, bachelorette party, so no one should be on the hook for actual wedding expenses (unless, of course, they’ve OFFERED to help bankroll the wedding). Instead of making your bridesmaids ‘pay to play,’ ask if they could volunteer their time or even their talents. Have a friend who puts flower arrangements together like a total boss? Enlist her to help with your flowers. Another who can DIY in her sleep and calligraph like a pro? Rope her in for help with decor, signage or favors.
DON’T set a precedent with having them ‘prove’ themselves.
DON’T set a precedent with having them ‘prove’ themselves. Once you’ve assembled the dream team in your mind, revel in your #blessed-ness and don’t set out to have each prove themselves. As you continue to plan your wedding, you’ll undoubtedly see some of your bridesmaids step up or participate more enthusiastically than others. This is bound to happen if your girls don’t all live near you or perhaps have other personal or professional commitments to attend to. Maybe one is a new mommy, another with work responsibilities that occupy a ton of her time. The important thing to remember is that in accepting their roles as your maids, they’re confirming their commitment to you and your big day. As long as they make a promise to stand beside you in celebration of your love, you shouldn’t fault them for falling short once or twice…
That being said, for all you bridesmaids out there, do your best -- she’s counting on you. :)