8 Things to Say to Kindly Make Your Partner Move Their Ass
Whether you’re married, engaged, dating, or single AF, everyone knows how to nag, women just happen to do it better than men… When push comes to shove, we’d love to handle things differently, so we could avoid getting into fights with our friends and S.O.s, but are we wrong for saying that adding an ‘OMFG’ pleaseeee do this. NOW. doesn’t light a 🔥🔥🔥under their a**?
My husband and I have been together for nearly 13 years, and we def know how to push each other’s buttons, especially in the way we say things to each other. He hates it when I precede an ask of mine with ‘Baaaabe, could you….’ In his mind, all the vamping is totally superfluous, he’d rather me just get to the point. Alternately, I hate it when he just keeps his mouth closed and then freaks out when he’s reached his limit of patience and understanding. I say too much, he doesn’t say enough. But I guess it just works for us. It’s our flow.
In any case, there are definitely better ways to go about asking our partners to do things that should elicit better reactions from them. And we’ve rounded up some of our favorite tweaks to old favorites like ‘why haven’t you taken out the trash?’ and ‘do you really think you need that Taco Bell RN?’
If you can wordsmith a little and soften your approach, chances are your guy or girl will get the picture. After all, it’s what happy couples do: they communicate.
Aggro approach
OMG why didn’t you take out the trash??!!!?!
Intensity dialed back
I’d really appreciate it if you’d take out the trash.
The trash obviously needs to be taken out, I’ve had enough shrimp dishes in my Plated box stinking up my garbage on day 2 to realize that. But instead of screaming at my hubs to haul ass to the dumpster, I say something starting with “I’d really appreciate it.” Shows appreciation and doesn’t involve hyperbole.
Aggro approach
Are you even listening to me? Put your phone down!!
Intensity dialed back
Hey babe! Can you think about putting your phone away? We have X on the DVR, and I want to spend some time together tonight.
Okay we’re wayyy too obsessed with our phones, people, it needs to stop ((I’m guilty of it 100p, so I’m definitely not putting myself on a pedestal)). There’s certainly a time and a place, and S.O.s can be understanding when you need to send an email or post something - work-related - on social media, but patience wears thin. Don’t make it about you, make it about a missed opportunity to do something together. Missing The Good Doctor is a damn shame, so, don’t do it!
Aggro approach
How many times do I have to tell you that we have plans this weekend, we can’t go X, Y, or Z!!
Intensity dialed back
Remember we talked about this a few weeks ago? That’s why we bought the calendar. Our lives are so crazy, I get it, you honestly forgot, but we have plans and we’ll still have fun, I promise you! We can go there next weekend…
My husband can’t remember what our social calendar looks like, for s***. Meanwhile, I’ve got everything filed and catalogued away in the back of my mind. Certainly something that comes with momming, we have to plan for everything. In any case, instead of freaking out on our partners for zoning out on all our recreational activities - be it family parties, work events, kids/babies’ classes, etc., try to make it harder for them to forget. Calendars are clutch!
Aggro approach
We’re legit going to be soooo effing late!! Can you hurry up, hon?
Intensity dialed back
Okay! We have to leave in 30 minutes, what needs to go down in order to make that happen? Can I get anything ready for you, should I go get gas in the car?
Ah, how many times do couples end up ripping each other apart because one or the other is running realllll behind? It’s okay, no couple is ever on time. If you are, I’d like to meet you, and tell you that you’re full of 💩. And it only gets 10000 harder with kids. So, the best way to deal is to get on the same page, understand what your guy or girl struggles with when trying to get out of the house, and offer to help them. Whether that means helping your wife/GF straighten the back of her hair / the part she can’t reach, or getting in the closet with your husband/BF and playing stylist for him. He’ll appreciate how much you care about him looking good 😘.
Aggro approach
Can you pleaseeee make a decision about where we’re going to dinner tonight? What do you want???
Intensity dialed back
Alright, I’m starting to get hungry, are you? What are you craving? My friend at work was telling me about how good X is. I can call to see if they take reservations, do you want to try it out?
If making dinner plans ever panned out the way we wanted them to, I think guys and girls everywhere would stop using Seamless. It’s not life or death, friends, it’s just food, drinks, and a Friday or Saturday night out. And hopefully wherever you go will have something to suit your tastes, if you’re picky AF (🙋🏻). The important thing here is not to force your bae into making a decision - maybe he or she isn’t hungry enough yet to substantiate an answer. Instead, make some suggestions and show him/her how easy it will be to snag a res.
Aggro approach
Whoaaa when did you get your last haircut? Doesn’t it take like 5 minutes to get buzzed? I’m in the salon for 12 hours when I get highlights…
Intensity dialed back
Oh wow, babe, your hair is getting so long and lush (did you start taking my prenatals?? Hehe)!! Do you want me to make you an appointment to get a trim? I know how you hate it when it starts making your neck itch.
Guys are very particular about their hair, justttt as much as women are. That’s an actual fact. So, chances are, if he’s put off a haircut for that long, he has other priorities in mind. He’ll find time, so don’t rush the man. If you have styling chops yourself, ask him if you could lend a hand with some snips so he can buy more time. Just don’t make him feel like he’s ugly. He’s not, and his hair will be back to the way you like it soon enough.
Aggro approach
Wait, do you really need to hang out with X this weekend? He/she is such an a**hole.
Intensity dialed back
Okay, can we talk for a sec? I really, really don’t like X and for these reasons. It would make me feel so much better if you just didn’t go.
Many a fight has started between couples over who his or her S.O. is spending time with. Bad influences are actually a thing. That said, don’t make your partner feel like their friend is a total pariah. You might not even know their life well enough to judge. So, instead of cancelling your cutie’s plans outright, ask them if maybe you can come with - as a group hang! Or make a better case for them staying home with you. Groundings/timeouts are much better as adult, really...
And as for you, try to make an effort to get to know their friend a little bit better. Having friends and being social is another thing that happy couples do! If they still rub you the wrong waym after your multiple attempts at friendliness, then you reserve the right to write them off your list.
Aggro approach
Your clothes are legit all over the floor, care to clean them up ASAP?
Intensity dialed back
Do you think we can spend 10 minutes later going through these clothes of yours to decide what can be washed and what can be folded/hung up? It’s annoying me, boo, and I just don’t wanna keep bugging you about it!
Whose floor isn’t covered with clothes? Or at the very least, a trail of dirty socks that, yes, have holes allll over them ((and your S.O. refuses to think it’s a problem)). Well, instead of jumping down his or her throat about the thin - and growing-thick - layer of clothes flooding the floor, remind them that you’re also there to help them out. And two can get things done a hell of a lot faster than one. If you can get the floor looking flawless fast… there might be some hot married sex in your not-too-distant future. Rewarding good behavior ✔️.
