6 Signs You’re As Anti-Bride As They Come

Alright everyone, before we jump into any freak-out territory, let’s just say that this feature is entirely FOR FUN. We’re not saying that being the anti-bride is any better than being a super basic one, we’re just saying that bride-ishness is all relative and there’s a spectrum you sit on. One day you can be hella high strung, another day you can be zen zen zen when it comes to your wedding. And it really doesn’t matter, no one cares, it’s just a funny thing to talk about and categorize ((maybe even because I was one of THE MOST basic brides out there, so imagining myself as an anti-bride is intriguing and fantastical)). At the end of the day, we’re all brides, and we can wear our badges any way we damn well wish.

But for the purpose of this post, we’re talking anti-bride today. You know who you are: you aren’t a huge fan of tradition and conventions, you follow your own ‘I Do’ cues, and wed how you wanna. If that means wearing white, but in a much more alternative way, then so be it! If that means wearing no white at all, that’s great too. You really only care about the endgame when it comes to your big day - marrying the love of your life, and getting to revel in it with all the right people.

We’ve chatted amongst ourselves and to current and past brides - and rounded up 6 things that all anti-brides can relate to. You might not classify yourself as an anti-bride, but if you’ve felt/considered/planned more than two of these things for your own wedding, chances are you’re totally AB status. And we love you for it, all the same /// actually wish we could be like you….

Meghan Markle legit sent her a makeup artist a text to ask if he could be there for her wedding. Literally, just sent him a message asking if he was free on May 19th - followed by 👰🏽🤵. If we could all just communicate through emojis, we’d be okay.

Definitely check out our bride chill quiz to see where you net out. If you’re still not convinced!

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Your social channels are so wedding-less, we can’t even.

Okay, there’s something to be said about taking a minute to bask in the afterglow of that stunning ring on your finger and really love up on each other before the flood of social media engagement on your feed gets going, but even the most basic brides eventually post about their engagement on Facebook, Insta, Snapchat and wait for those ❤️❤️❤️ to start rolling in. With anti-brides, though, they’re okay with their getting-married hood being a private thing. They might throw up a cute pic with a caption that reads ‘save the date,’ but they’re definitely not hyper-styling those ring selfies or thinking for more than 30 minutes about what their caption will be (Too many emojis? Too much about the proposal? Too lovey dovey? Not enough love?). They probably also don’t even have a wedding hashtag, or, just haven’t come up with one yet. If you’ve got a wedding hashtag prepped before that sparkler makes its debut, you’re basic, bridey. You just are.

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Your engagement photos are MIA or awesomely ironic.

Yes, everyone can appreciate a stunning engagement photo. Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s just-engaged black and whites were 🙌, after all. But anti-brides are not really on the engagement photo bandwagon. They might hate how they look in photos ((me me me)) and just hate cameras pointed at them, in general, or they just might not feel the need to get all dressed and glammed up (the most basic brides usually plan their makeup trials to happen right before their engagement session, so they look gorg AF in their photos) just to take some posed and awkward photos that don’t speak to their relationship at all. You might be anti-bride if engagement photos are one of the last things on your mind. Or you decide to take the money you would have put towards e-photos and instead use it for a baller boudoir shoot - to surprise your future spouse-to-be.

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Your dress doesn’t fit the fairytale.

Anti-brides either never dreamed about the dress they’d wear for their wedding day, or have evolved their tastes since those dreams happened. They’re usually not ones for big ball gowns, unless they’re of the avant-garde iteration. They don’t subscribe to a one-color-only mentality. Sure, white is cool, but it’s not everything. To be honest, they’re typically more inclined towards the prêt-à-porter wedding dress experience. If it can be bought off the rack, then it’s perfect. Also, anti-brides don’t exactly love being the center of attention when they’re shopping for a dress. They don’t love rolling deep with a huge entourage at the bridal salon. And they would much prefer shopping solo for such an important piece of clothing. For a plethora of reasons. They don’t want to shop at an actual bridal boutique; they don’t want to be pressured into purchasing anything that isn’t 100p right for them; they don’t want that cookie-cutter ‘I said YES to the dress’ type of fashion-finding fanfare. We’re not saying that all cool-girl dresses are AB, but we’re also not saying that they aren’t….

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Your bridal party is nonexistent, but you like it that way.

We were referring to bridesmaids, when we say bridal party, but for the anti-bride this can mean bridal parties, too. The bridal shower and the bachelorette - what with those omg-awful games, the penis paraphernalia, the basic personalized t-shirts, beer coozies, tumblers that say you “flamingle-d at Stacey’s Palm Springs bash” - they’re not givens for the anti-bride. She doesn’t need them, she doesn’t want them, and she doesn’t have to have them. ESPECIALLY if she doesn’t have a squad of girls begging her to struggle through ‘em. Everyone who’s ever been a bride, with 1+ bridesmaids knows that drama is inevitable. Girls might not get along, girls might not show up to the places you actually want+need them to be at, matchily-clad girls might just not fit into the wedding aesthetic you worked up in your head. This is where we say, then don’t have them! Or, instead, do like Meghan Markle did, and nix the 20 and 30-something squad of bridesmaids in favor of a troop of tiny ones.

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You won’t have a theme.

Listen, we are theme junkies. We live for wedding vision identifiers - I mean, have you seen our real weddings??! Theme is in nearly every title. But for anti-brides, themes need not apply. That means palettes, dress codes, motifs that are trademarks for most weddings don’t have to happen at theirs. They just want what they want, when they want it, and if something doesn’t fit precisely into their curated plan, then oh well, it’s okay! They’re okay with it. At their core, themes are soooo much the antithesis of anti-brides. They require codes, blueprints, cohesion, traditions and an adherence to rules - and that’s definitely not what an anti-bride gets all the feels for. She likes spontaneity, she likes surprise, she likes serendipity. She might even love the idea of an ambush wedding - you know, one of those where the couple invites all of their VIPs to an engagement party, they show up, and then surprise!!! It’s actually their wedding their guests have walked into.

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You don’t have a registry.

Anti-brides get hives when they consider having to go into a store, armed with a scanning gun, only to be followed around by a pressuresome consultant + a crazy long list of ‘should get’ items that they’re pushing REAL hard. Not saying that these alternative brides don’t want stuff - every soon-to-be-married couple wants stuff - but they’re not pumped about putting together a wish list, and they definitely don’t want to do it at all of the run-of-the-mill places. If you’re AB, you’ve probably thought about a honeymoon fund, an experience / hobbies / vacation registry, maybe even a subscription registry - for wine or coffee? And for sureeeee, you’ve considered a charitable causes registry and maybe even a registry to start building the nest fund.