13 Ways To Know If You Are Too Bridezilla
It literally seems like every day there’s a new story about some bride who has gone off the effing deep end when it comes to her level of crazy. Demanding that your bridesmaids bid on a spot in your bridal party… firing a bridesmaid because she hasn’t made enough of an effort to be at everything.. It’s all teetering on the edge of what the actual f***? But in the last week alone, we’ve learned about a wedding bells-to-the-wall bride who had 5 weddings and wore 13 dresses, NBD, and a bride who used her wedding planner to disseminate 10 ridiculously-rude rules that all guests needed to honor at her wedding or else they could say goodbye to their admittance.
My brides-to-be haven’t exactly been bridechilla anti-brides, but I just got my weekend itinerary for my best friend’s wedding this weekend, and at least she gave us some parameters for our jewelry and manicure dress codes. “Simple silver jewelry is allowed. Also, any simple nail color is allowed - neutrals, pale pinks etc.” Giving your girls choices is a good call…
Anyway, these high-profile stories are the ones we all laugh at, and judge harshly, but they’re also a great barometer for measuring our own level of bride chill. Like, hmm, I’ve actually thought about telling my guests to come wearing no more than ‘a basic bob or ponytail,’ maybe I should rethink that. There will ALWAYS be a bigger, badder bridezilla tale waiting in the wings, and you def don’t want to be the one that everyone is talking about, viral with your villainous.
So, we came up with 13 things that might put you in a ‘this 💩 is 🍌’ category of brides behaving badly.
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You thanked your spouse-to-be for the new piece of sparkling jewelry on your finger and then proceeded to tell him/her how much you love them, but less-so love their choice in e-ring
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You’ve given your bride or groom to-be a just-engaged gift: it’s called a trainer, and it comes with a deliciously-bland meal plan that the two of you can follow for the next 9+ months. The couple that ‘streamlines’ together, stays together.
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You’re not ordering your Sugarfina ‘Will You Be My Bridesmaid?’ bento boxes until you’ve lowkey interviewed all your girls and determined that they’re all-in - based on their responses to such and such questions (will they be available on X, Y, and Z dates? Can they commit to an $1000 spend for bachelorette festivities? Do they plan on being pregnant at all during the peak-planning periods of your engagement, etc.)
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You document (‘commemorate’) every time you book a new wedding vendor with a photo on Instagram, @-ing them to shout them out. If they don’t comment with one of your favorite emojis, you question whether you made the right decision to hire them. Compatibility = emoji synergy
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You’ve told your bridesmaids that you’ll be ‘assigning’ them a dress for the wedding based on a predetermined color palette. Let’s see who can plead the best case for wearing the only forgiving chiffon choice....
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You’ve registered at more than 5 places, and have requested that your bridal shower invitees follow a specific gifting protocol (like any DMV personal identification process / one gift from column A, three from column B, or no less than $200 spent from X, Y, and Z combined, etc.)
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You’ve let at least one of your ‘I Do’ crew (vendors) and wedding VIPs (bridal party members, officiants, etc.) go since you on-boarded them for your big day. And for a reason, you simply said ‘I’m the bride, I say who stays and who goes.’
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You’ve given your MOH a deadline to share her speech with you, and told her that she gets no more than three rewrites, based on your peer review, to impress you
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You’ve decided on not one, or two, but 3+ dresses to wear at your wedding. All good things come in threes, right?
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You’ve determined it’s beyond necessary that your guests know they can’t wear white - in any of its forms - at your wedding.
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You’ve given your wedding coordinator/venue liaison a rider for what should be ready for you in your bridal suite on the morning of your wedding. Organic, high-fiber steel-cut oatmeal with sliced bananas, for everyone, and a whole bowl of #somethingblue Sweet Tarts, or no tip 😘
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You’ve decided to give the people what they want: an open bar #duh. But you’re issuing a catch. They must toast you with tequila throughout the night, other alcohol is strictly limited to cocktail hour only. Hopefully your guests can handle their booze!
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You’ve publicly referenced a need to be a Kardashian for ‘just one day’ when it comes to your wedding; that, along with spearheading a slew of other social media vents and passive aggressive shade that somehow seems warranted to you, because it’s your day, b***es be warned.
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If any of these things sound like you, try to turn down the ‘extra’ volume a little bit. Doesn’t hurt, too, if you want to send a gift to make amends for any of your bride crazy.