What Would Wednesday’s Wedding Look Like?

Jenna Ortega as Wednesday Addams on Netflix ^{Photo: Netflix}

Let’s do another Wedding Chicks thought experiment featuring everyone’s favorite sociopath, Wednesday Addams. What would Wednesday’s wedding look like? We know what you’re thinking, Wednesday would never get married. She no doubt believes that marriage is an archaic institution designed by the patriarchy to disenfranchise women. But since she definitely isn’t reading this, let’s play with fire…

THE INVITES

Ouija board wedding invitations ^{Photo/Invites: BirdHouse197}

We’re not quite sure who Wednesday would want to invite to her wedding, or what realm they would hail from so best to cover all the bases with this otherworldly invitation suite complete with ouija board RSVP cards.

THE RING

goth black diamond engagement ring ^{Photo/Ring: Hiddenspace}

The person daring enough to propose to Wednesday should really do their research. Wednesday would only wear a diamond that’s been ethically sourced. But if they really wanted to pull on those almost non-existent heartstrings, they could dig up her beloved pet scorpion, Nero, and have his ashes turned into a diamond. We think she would appreciate the macabre initiative. This victorian-inspired setting with the black diamonds framing the center stone would complement her signature style.

THE MANI

creepy something blue eyeball manicure ^{Photo/Nails: @betina_goldstein}

Wednesday likes to keep people guessing, so we think her signature black mani would be too expected. Instead, we think she would go for something a little more ornate, like this eyeball manicure for her big day. Wednesday is nothing if not superstitious, so she would no doubt need to incorporate something blue into her wedding day ensemble. What could be better than blue eyes?

THE HAIR AND MAKEUP

Jenna Ortega Wednesday Addams dance scene ^{Photo: Jenna Ortega as Wednesday Addams COURTESY OF NETFLIX}

We’ve never seen Wednesday’s hair out of her signature pigtails, if we did, she’d have to kill us. So, let’s be safe and say that she would probably turn her pigtail braids into a braid crown like she did for the big RaveN Dance. For makeup, we think she would opt for a slightly smokey eye like this one and a pretty nude pout for her lips. Legend has it, Wednesday uses “Nightmoth” lipliner from Mac Cosmetics mixed with Dr. PAWPAW’s clear lip balm. Snatch those cheekbones to the gods with a killer contour and call it a day.

THE ENSEMBLE

Black wedding gown ^{Dress/Photo: Ashi Studio}

Though she believes feminine formal attire to be “a classic example of female objectification for the male gaze”, we still think Wednesday would relish in the opportunity to wear even more black than usual, so this is what we were thinking she’d rock down the aisle. She probably wouldn’t wear a veil because she believes it to be an antiquated practice designed to ward off evil spirits, which she welcomes with open arms. They probably received an official invite. But, Morticia, she would definitely be sporting a veil and a train that’s longer than usual because as the MOB, it’s her big day too.

THE FLOWERS

black dahlia wedding bouquet ^{Photo: Pinterest via the knot}

This one was too easy, Black Dahlias, in honor of Wednesday’s favorite unsolved murder. And for the tables? Venus fly trap centerpieces because, why should the humans have all the fun?

venus flytrap wedding floral arrangements ^{Photo: Chettara T. Photography}

For more fun thought experiments, make sure to give us a follow on IG @weddingchicks even though Wednesday finds “social media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation.”