What to Do When Feeling Insecure About Your Wedding
Your wedding is one of the biggest days of your life, so it’s natural to hold some lofty expectations for how it will go. While there’s nothing wrong with high standards, it becomes a problem when it turns the process into a stressful, anxiety-ridden experience.
You should feel nothing but confidence and excitement going into your wedding day. If insecurities start creeping up, it’s vital to process and release them so you can enjoy every moment of your celebration. Whether you’re worried about how your dress will fit or whether your big day will “live up to” your cousin’s wedding last year, these trivial concerns can cloud the day’s meaning: sharing your love and tying the knot.
If you’re feeling doubts about your wedding plans, here’s what the experts say you can do to nip those insecurities in the bud.
Plan a Day That Feels Like You
As Theodore Roosevelt once said, comparison is the thief of joy. It’s hard to enjoy a blissful wedding day if you’re constantly judging your celebration against others. Fortunately, there’s nothing to compare when you plan a wedding based on your desires.
“Confidence comes from authenticity,” promises Katy Padilla, founder of Scarlet Rose Events. “Don’t worry about trends or pleasing everyone. Even small touches that resonate personally can make your day feel unique and special.”
Too often, couples make decisions based on what they perceive others will think. But Julian Ribinik, owner of Julian Ribinik Studios, urges to-be-weds to avoid trying to impress anyone. “This day is about you as a couple—make choices that make you happy, not to gain approval from others,” he says. “Stay true to what you want, and don\'t compromise to make others comfortable.”
If your wedding incorporates all the elements you want, consider it a success! What matters most is that your big day feels entirely your own.
Go Offline
You may not feel pressure from loved ones, but you’ll find yourself in the same place if you try to measure up to what you see online. When you see a gorgeous wedding on social media, there’s no price tag to set realistic expectations. It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap when everything seems attainable, even when the reality is far beyond the average wedding budget.
To avoid going down this road, Marshall Arts Photography owner Stacie Marshall recommends logging out of social media in the weeks leading up to the wedding.
“Stop searching for ideas on Pinterest and scrolling through Instagram,” she urges. “There are so many ideas floating around, and you could drive yourself crazy second-guessing the advice and inspiration out there. Trust that the decisions you’ve made and the team you’ve assembled will come together to create the perfect wedding!”
Sometimes, the picture-perfect wedding you see online isn’t even real. Styled shoots involve highly curated collaborations between wedding professionals who aren’t restricted by a client’s budget, so it’s easy to go above and beyond the norm.
“Additionally, the internet, Pinterest, Instagram, and AI have played a huge part in determining which wedding designs can be executed and which ones might be created by a robot,” adds Loni Peterson, MLS, owner of LP Creative Events.
As the wedding nears, consider doing a social media detox with your partner. It’s the perfect time to take a break from the screens and spend meaningful time together!
Schedule a Portrait Session
You want to look your best on your wedding day — that’s natural. But if you haven’t done a trial run, you may not know how your look will come together!
Erin Dabbs, lead photographer for Erin Ren Photography, recommends booking a session with your photographer to ease any nerves surrounding your day-of style.
“This is your chance to experience your entire look in advance: your hair and makeup, your altered dress, and even a replication of your bouquet,” she explains. “You’ll gain confidence from seeing how you look in your dress and how the photographer captures you, or you’ll make changes to perfect your look!”
Make sure to bring your shoes, jewelry, undergarments, and other accessories to the portrait session to get a full taste of how it all looks and feels.
“Many brides end up making small adjustments after seeing their photos — whether it’s changing their jewelry, reimagining their hair, or refining their makeup with a different lip color,” Dabbs adds.
Of course, the added bonus of a bridal portrait session is having extra photos of you looking fabulous — a win-win investment!
Surround Yourself With Trusted People
If you hire vendors you trust, you’ll feel confident they can bring your vision to life successfully. So, while insecurities might show up, you can release them just as quickly knowing that you have a team of experts in your corner.
To start, Anna Solo Photography owner Anna Solo recommends “hiring a wedding planner who shares your values to help execute your vision and to lean on them when making decisions, as they have experience with all types of scenarios and will help eliminate feelings of insecurity.”
It also helps to have an outlet beyond the professionals, so you can speak candidly and work through anxieties. “Let yourself vent it out somewhere, be it a journal, a trusted friend, and more,” adds Jen Sulak, lead wedding photographer for Weirdo Weddings. “Your valued feelings should be acknowledged.”
If wedding planning brings up deeper insecurities, it may be worth seeking counsel from a coach or therapist who can help you navigate the process peacefully.
Revisit Your “Why”
It’s easy to get caught up in the minute details of your wedding, like whether the napkins will match the linens just right or what your opinionated mother-in-law will think about the ceremony readings. But in the grand scheme of things, these worries shouldn’t matter!
When such uncertainties arise, owner and lead planner of Your Jubilee Weddings, Meagan Pinney, recommends turning your attention to the purpose of your wedding. “Wedding planning is full of emotions and opinions from others,” she states. “We bring our couples back to their ‘why,’ so they feel confident in every decision made.”
Mary Angelini, founder of Key Moment Films, echoes Pinney’s sentiment, noting that “reconnecting with your ‘why’ can help ground you when insecurities creep in.”
“Getting married to the love of your life is a beautiful reason, but go a step further and dig into why you’re hosting a celebration,” Angelini continues. “You could elope or have a simple legal ceremony, but you chose to share this moment in a big way. Think back to when you were newly engaged, and the excitement of planning was just beginning. Why did you want a wedding celebration?”
You can adjust every detail to be ‘perfect,’ but it will never feel ideal if your mindset is stuck in judgment mode. Change your mind, not your wedding plans!
Focus on Being Present
On your wedding day, you have two options: putting your energy into nitpicking every detail or soaking in the love and significance of the moment. The latter is the better choice and will leave you with the best memories of your special day. After all, how rare is it that you’ve found the person you want to spend your life with?
Owner of Melani Lust Photography Melani Lust notes that your choice shows in your wedding photos. “When couples can be fully present, the resulting emotive images will be treasured for generations,” she confirms. “When they are focused on each other and the connection, the photos reflect that love within that they will look back on forever.”
In other words, let go of the pressure and simply be. Don’t worry about how you look or what people think — embrace the magnitude of the day and enjoy every second!
“Weddings aren’t performances, so focus on the people and the connections, not on getting every detail exactly right,” encourages Craig Peterman, owner of Craig Peterman Photography & Videography. “The most cherished memories often come from the unscripted moments: the laughter, the tears, the love.”
Will things go wrong? Absolutely. That’s the nature of any event. But “half the battle of remaining confident is embracing the imperfections,” assures Kristen Gosselin, owner of KG Events & Design. “Small hiccups are unfortunately inevitable - they happen even at luxury, high-end weddings. Instead of worrying about how guests might react, embrace these moments as part of your wedding story.”
You can’t control everything on your wedding day. However, what you do have power over is your mindset and the energy you bring to the celebration. Shake off the tension, forget the setbacks, and celebrate that you get the honor of marrying one another!
Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR and wedding marketing firm OFD Consulting. Ely is a sought-after speaker and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.
- Wedding PR and wedding marketing firm : OFD Consulting