Inspiration vs. Reality: How to Manage Your Expectations When Planning a Wedding
In today’s world, wedding planning and social media go hand in hand. From gathering inspiration to researching local vendors, newly engaged couples flock to Pinterest, TikTok, and Instagram to curate their dream celebrations. But while these platforms can undoubtedly support the planning process, it’s easy to get lost in a never-ending stream of jaw-dropping images that set unrealistic expectations.
Lavish floral installations, haute couture gowns, and over-the-top guest experiences might seem commonplace while scrolling. Still, the reality is that many luxury wedding details carry a price tag that doesn’t fit the average couple’s budget.
But that doesn’t mean you must avoid these popular inspiration sources! Instead, remain aware of your limitations to avoid being led astray by unrealistic expectations. According to the pros, here are a few ways to stay grounded while planning.
Avoid Taking Inspo at Face Value
Here’s the thing: Much of what you see on social media isn’t real. Wedding brands use beautiful photos to market their services, so the content on your feed isn’t always representative of what’s actually attainable.
So, as you browse through inspiration, Kelley Nudo of Momental Designs encourages couples to take everything they see with a grain of salt. “Be discerning with your selections, especially if you are doing wedding-related shopping on social media, to ensure you are using reputable vendors that will deliver high-quality products,” she says.
That’s not to say you should avoid using these sources for inspiration. “Pinterest and Instagram are great avenues for finding specific color schemes, design concepts, etc.,” assures Katy Padilla of Scarlet Rose Events. However, she cautions that “some images and videos are edited and not the most accurate,” so keep your expectations in line.
In addition to filters and photo editing, you’ll also see plenty of imagery from inspiration shoots, which are staged collaborations between wedding professionals. While these pictures demonstrate a company’s talent, it’s hard to compare the cost of a styled shoot to a real wedding without factoring in labor and resources contributed by the team.
Bite Catering Couture’s Vijay Goel notes that inspiration shots are simply photos; they don’t represent the full experience of a wedding. “What it can take to get those photographs requires skill, editing, shot setup, and real-world cooperation of the couple, guests, vendors, and the elements,” he explains. So, while a pretty tablescape might seem as simple as paying for the right rentals, you must also consider the cost of professional styling and setup.
In other words, what you see isn’t always what you get when it comes to wedding inspiration. Much more goes on behind the scenes, so avoid making assumptions based solely on social media content!
Keep Your Budget Front and Center
If your budget has a $50,000 cap, it can feel disappointing to learn you’ve been saving inspo for a $500,000 wedding. So, before scouring social media for ideas, create a budget with your partner so you can steer the planning process in the right direction.
“Wedding costs can add up rather quickly when you start to compound what you want on your wedding day,” explains wedding photographer Colton Simmons. “Weigh all the costs to decide whether you can splurge on the florals you’ve always dreamed of.”
To start the budget talk, Jeri Solomon of Real Deal Wedding Insiders recommends “thoroughly researching what you have to spend and how much each vendor will cost before making final decisions.” And if you have family members contributing to the wedding, she stresses the importance of including them in the conversation.
Once your budget is set, Jamie Chang of Mango Muse Events suggests limiting inspiration to maintain realistic expectations. “Try to look specifically at wedding blogs/media that fit the budget and style of your wedding,” she suggests. Aim for outlets that focus on your wedding’s niche, whether DIY, all-inclusive, or location-specific.
Use your spending plan as your north star. By keeping your budget top of mind, you’ll know what you can afford and have a better chance of avoiding unrealistic distractions.
Get Clear on Your Must-Haves
Your budget plays a large role in managing expectations for your wedding. But beyond a general ballpark figure, you also need to consider the priorities for your wedding.
Merri CEO Randi Bushell encourages couples to “create a list of non-negotiables and let that drive decisions around budget.” That way, “if you can't fit something into the budget, it hurts less knowing that it wasn't a non-negotiable upfront.”
So, if your dream wedding offers a rich culinary experience and beautiful scenery, you’ll know to prioritize catering and the venue in your budget. Then, you can find ways to cut costs on everything else, like skipping guest favors or using the venue’s in-house rentals.
As you explore online inspiration, Kelsey Strickland of Twickenham House and Hall suggests focusing on what you love most. “Factor in what you are willing to give up from the inspiration in order to keep something you love,” she says. “Pick what you love and make it your own.”
Before searching for ideas, ask yourself: What are the make-or-break factors for your big day? Identify two or three must-haves, allocate your budget accordingly, and don’t stress about the rest.
Get Inspired, But Don’t Replicate
Weddings are supposed to celebrate the couple and their unique love story. Your special day shouldn’t look like a carbon copy of the weddings you see on Pinterest! Instead, use social media to get your creative juices flowing and make your wedding feel like it belongs to you and your partner.
“Inspiration does exactly what it's intended to do: inspire,” reminds Megan Breukelman of Megan & Kenneth. “Look to Pinterest, TikTok, and Instagram to get inspired rather than to recreate. It\s so important to put your own personal touches on your wedding day.”
Monica Garcia of Story Alley Photography agrees, reminding us of what’s most important. “Remember that it\'s about sharing your joy with your guests,” she says. Your wedding should reflect who you are as a couple, not just what\'s trendy online.”
Of course, it’s easy to get caught up in all of the lovely wedding trends at the moment. But your love is not a trend, so don’t feel pressure to follow a look that doesn’t feel authentic. “Make sure that the things inspiring your wedding align with your aesthetic, lifestyle, and personality,” says Tracy Autem of Tracy Autem & Lightly Photography. “There are plenty of ideas that are beautiful and meaningful but may not be right for you.”
Remember: You can appreciate wedding styles without incorporating every last trend into your big day. Perhaps you love maximalist decor, but it clashes with your dream of timeless wedding photos. Trust your gut! If you stay true to yourself, you’ll get to experience a wedding day that is wholly, uniquely you.
Separate the Details From the Big Picture
As you sift through wedding inspiration, try to explore the specific details you like rather than focusing on the entire look. Is it the texture of the linens or the color of the flowers? Extracting design elements can help you (and your team) pull from the inspiration you love to achieve a one-of-a-kind look.
As Mangia and Enjoy!’s Sarah Chianese explains, “When an image captures your heart, you can gain concepts from it.”
To take it further, “think about what exactly you like about the photo,” Bushell recommends. “Try to deconstruct every element that you see (colors, textures, layout, etc.) and be clear about what aspect you\'d like to bring over into your event.”
Then, when you discuss design with your team, you’ll have a starting point from which to explore alternatives and add your own touch to the mix.
“Make notes of what you really like and what speaks to you,” encourages Jen Sulak of Weirdo Weddings. “Be detailed in why you picked what you picked, and list the reasons why it speaks to you.” The more information you can provide your wedding vendors, the better they can help you achieve your goal.
Trust the Pros
With so much wedding inspiration at your fingertips, it can seem difficult to parse through everything and determine what’s realistic, given your budget, guest list, and timeline. Fortunately, you don’t have to figure it out alone! Working with a team of trusted professionals can help you achieve your wedding vision without breaking your budget.
“Having assistance and knowledge from seasoned professionals is ideal,” confirms Mandy Hess of MJM Designs. “Wedding professionals are here to make sure you are comfortable spending what couples want.”
The key is hiring trusted vendors, says Stacie Marshall of Marshall Arts Photography. “They can tell you how much each of the pinned inspiration photos may cost you or how much set-up time it may take, and they can offer alternatives to give you the same feeling/look.”
Thus, vetting your vendor candidates is crucial for a successful event that meets your expectations—both in terms of design and budget.
Once you’ve secured a team of experts, Savoir Fête’s Rachel Ceaser recommends stepping away from the inspo once you’ve discussed your overall vision. “Comparison is the thief of joy!” she says. “Stop looking at pictures of other events and trust your creative professionals to create something wonderful and unique for you.”
While you might want your wedding to be Insta-worthy, you and your guests will appreciate the celebration more if you prioritize personalization over trendy aesthetics. That’s why Angie Johnson of Sapphire Celebrations urges couples to embrace uniqueness in their wedding plans! “Maybe your unique wedding will inspire brides and grooms for seasons to come because of how you put your own twist on something you saw on Instagram,” she says.
At the end of your planning journey, you will stand before your loved ones and say “I do” to a future with your partner. Isn’t that all that truly matters? Focus on telling your extraordinary love story, and let the rest fall into place!
Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR and wedding marketing firm OFD Consulting. Ely is a sought-after speaker, adjunct professor in the field of public relations, and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.
- Wedding Photographers: Photo Credits Kelly Hornberger Photography
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